Hard Lessons

It's only fair after talking about the celebrations of childhood, that I share a post that is not about achievement, success, resources or advice. This is what I call one of my cathartic, just for me, wordy posts. The kind I convince myself no one reads so I can just process in words and move forward. To be honest, I'm struggling here. I've hit a point in parenting that's got me praying, seeking, searching, talking, hoping and crying for guidance. I read articles like this or this and many others searching for how to raise our boys to glorify God and want to be with Him for ever in Heaven.

God has graced me with two beautiful boys who are incredible. I have no doubts God will use my 3 year old for His great purposes. He has a strong will, persistence and don't take no for an answer personality. He's a leader, he's smart, he's creative and he views obstacles as challenges to overcome not a reason to change course or his mind. I love my son with everything God gives me in parenting. I know God equips me and my husband along the way. I've been at this impasse before from baby to toddler and now that's it's preschool to little boy, I'm lost again. It's not the first and it won't be the last transition with growing pains for our whole family. We do have a 20 month old too who I am sure will give me a run for my money with his smile, extroverted personality and charm that snares everyone around him.

I've asked moms ahead of me in this journey. I pray, I read my bible, I read parenting book after parenting book. I'm sorry to debunk the flowery sentiment but my love is not enough. Hear me out, before you shake your head. I am a selfish, broken sinner. Left to my own devices I raise my voice, I grit my teeth, I act spontaneously and re-actively. I doubt, I get insecure, I question.everything.

Every child is different. There is no systematic approach that works with every child. There is just the basic need for a Savior. There is the recognition of humbleness in the face of my child and to apologize when I fall short of the being calm, in control with faith, love and grace in responding to my child. It does not weaken my authority to admit I'm wrong. I've been a kid, I knew when my parents messed up. Me admitting it is just being honest and saying what we are both already thinking. In those moments I live out the scriptures that God is made perfect in my weakness. Because man, I. am.weak.

This isn't an all out pity party or seek of attention or passive aggressive reassurances. God gave me, like everyone else strengths, other experiences, other advice and ways to reach and comfort others. If this isn't yours, I ask for grace and to recall what yours are and treat mine with the same tenderness you'd want when you're feeling broken and helpless.

There are definite seasons of life- seasons of encouragement, joy, hope, celebration and also of  discouragement, desperation and failure. Nights/ weeks/ months of interrupted sleep, days of disobedience and no naps. Minutes, hours, days of serious boot camp intense character training for both me as the parent and my children. Taking, pushing, yelling, screaming, temper tantrums, name calling, lying, rebellion, lack of cooperation, obedience. It's those moments when nothing seems to reach my child. Not tough love, not empathy, not boundaries, not the most recent parenting book approach ( love & logic, love languages, etc) It's just the commitment, loyalty, love and to the little person who you KNOW is inside there struggling too. I know my child. We spend every day together. He's capable of being sweet, caring, thoughtful, smart, resourceful, funny, playful and plain irresistible. He will ask "Are you happy, mommy?" if he hears my throat get choked up and my voice get soft because I'm trying not to cry. He has a tender hearted mommy, oh the irony. He's in there struggling alone. I feel like I don't know how to help him out of this. I am trying to walk him through these moments, to understand himself, God and the world around him and the wall is solid and heartbreaking.

I put my adult mommy boots on a trudge forward. I have a mission. I have boys to love. I have men to raise. This task is not for the weak, the lazy, the easy, comfortable. After 3 years of praying, crying, begging the Lord for a child, I have two amazing sons. I couldn't be more thankful. It was not an easy road to get here after two failed adoption attempts and a failed reproductive procedure. I pray constantly to be faithful to the calling of parenting. His light is for my path, each step. Not the entire walk way, not the future. Deep breath now step, trust, love, give. Fill myself up daily with the love of God.

There are just those seasons where adult life and parenting life are both a hard struggle. I pray to teach my children grace because it's the only way they'll ever understand Jesus. Also, because selfishly I KNOW I need it from them through out their life. Anyone can get children to obey through force, absolute authority and sternness. At my core, I believe there is a way that shows respect and love to my child in teaching, correcting and training.

Also if the majority of our interaction is just rules, correction and discipline, where is the relationship of family? If I have my guard up all day long looking for mistakes, where is the connection? There are many other nuances of communication necessary for a healthy functioning family like encouragement, listening, understanding, instruction, teaching and prayer as well as others. Warnings, rebukes and corrections are necessary especially in these younger years but they are not isolated or communicated with out love.

A Positive Explanation

One of the most thorough, positive and honoring explanations I've seen courtesy of Celebrating Holidays.  I'm copying the whole post so I have it for future reference with our children:

Published December 12, 2011 | By admin

For many Christians, Santa Claus is nothing but a secular distraction to the celebration of one of the greatest events in human history – the birth of Jesus Christ. But try as we might to disassociate Santa from Christmas, he is hard to ignore. His image is everywhere. So when the kids inevitably ask, “Who is Santa?” what do we say? As with any question from our children, we can use it as a teaching opportunity.

In this first part of a two part article, I will share some of the interesting history I found about the identity of Santa Claus. Part two will take a look at what we can “do” with Santa in regard to our family celebrations.

The name Santa Claus is the English form of the Dutch name for St. Nicholas Sinterklaas. Though the modern Santa Claus is associated with a world of fantasy, the historical St. Nicholas was a godly man known for his charity and generosity.

Nicholas was born in the 3rd century to wealthy Christian parents in Patara (a harbor city in modern day Turkey). It is probable that Nicholas and his parents could trace their spiritual heritage to the Apostle Paul, who stopped in Patara on his third missionary journey 200 years earlier.

It is said that Nicholas’ parents were devout believers who had long prayed for a child. When Nicholas was finally born, they devoted him to God. As an only child, he was raised with great affection and special attention. However, when Nicholas was still a young boy (likely a teenager), a plague struck his city, and both of his parents died. Though a loss like this might turn some away from God, it seems to have drawn Nicholas closer to him. The loss of his parent’s also seems to have made the boy’s heart tender to the suffering of others.

Nicholas was left with a large inheritance and decided that he would use it to honor God. He developed such a good reputation in his region that he was chosen as Archbishop of Myra (a harbor city just south and east of Patara) when he was in his early 20s, an indication that he must have demonstrated wisdom and maturity beyond his years.

During his service as Archbishop, a violent persecution of Christians began. Nicholas was almost certainly imprisoned during this time and was likely tortured for his faith. The persecution that began during the reign of the Roman Emperor Diocletian was carried on by his successor, Galerius, for a total of eight long years.

Interestingly, following Emperor Galerius, Constantine, the first Christian Emperor, became the undisputed leader of the West. By 324 AD, Constantine claimed leadership of the entire empire and declared Christianity a legal religion. Once persecution ended and Christians gained new religious freedom, they started to face new challenges. Serious disagreements regarding doctrine began to erupt. Constantine recognized the need for unity among Christians, so in 325 AD he summoned bishops from all over the empire to meet in Nicea and discuss critical doctrinal issues. Nicholas of Myra is listed among the bishops in attendance at this meeting. Little could Nicholas have known that his name would one day be more recognized than any other in attendance at this council that developed the famous Nicene Creed.

There are a wealth of stories about Nicholas’ life — many of them emphasize his kindness and generosity. After his death on December 6, a tradition of gift giving was begun in his honor.

St. Nicholas Day is still observed on December 6 in many countries, but in others, America included, the practices associated with the day were combined with Christmas. It seemed natural to many Christians that a holiday celebrating giving would merge with the birth of Christ, the greatest gift ever given to the world. However, the merger happened to the dismay of many Christian leaders who thought that St. Nicholas started to draw too much attention away from Christ. In Germany, parents were encouraged to teach their children that the Christ Child was the gift-giver. The name Kriss Kringle is the English form of the German name for “Christ Child.” Ironically, in America the name Kriss Kringle came to be used synonymously with St. Nicholas, St. Nick, Santa Claus and even the English name Father Christmas.

In Middle Age art, St. Nicholas was typically depicted as a tall, thin, bearded cleric. So how did he evolve into the Santa that we know today in America? Santa’s white beard and red suit are actually quite similar to the bishop’s vestments worn by the Dutch Sinterklaas. But the “chubby and plump” appearance of America’s Santa Claus is generally traced to the 19th century poem “’Twas The Night Before Christmas” – an attempt to create a more friendly image of Santa and assure children that they had (in the words of the poem) “nothing to dread.”

Though the modern Santa Claus has devolved into a secularized figure surrounded by fantasy, his image can serve to help us remember the real St. Nicholas, a man who devoted his life to serving God and inspiring others to do the same. The purpose of all saints (all Christians) is to bring glory to God, not to detract from him.

At Christmas, we celebrate that God himself came in bodily form, in real flesh and blood, to earth. However, after he ascended to heaven and his physical presence was no longer on earth, Jesus entrusted believers to be his “body” (1 Corinthians 12:27). By all accounts, St. Nicholas lived a life that helped others to see the reality of Christ. How can we follow his example and help others to see Christ in us (in real flesh and blood) this Christmas?

Christmas

I'm going to talk about it. Maybe I can explain it better here with more time to phrase what's on my heart to my extended family. I relate to an acquaintance of mine, Courtney who posted about to Halloween or not.  She creatively throws a "No Fear" party in lieu of the spooky celebrations that occur in October. Her entry has been on my mind frequently ever since. God has placed it on my heart to not just include Him, but make Him the sole focus of my family's celebrations. I have to agree with this fellow blogger in the sentiment that my family too is taking back Christmas for Jesus. Jen is passionately reclaiming for her family a holiday easily gotten out of control. Redeeming our days for Christ applies for all celebrations.  Another blogger, Jeanne's post about her birthday celebration for Jesus clinched it for me. A tangible activity that will reach my children's hearts on the important real gift of Jesus in our lives.

For December, we are keeping the focus on Christ. That's our sole aim in life as believers and follows of Jesus. So, why would I miss the opportunity while we celebrate His birth to shine that message to the best of my ability? Why would I dilute the message  and cloud my family's understanding of this celebration with other things?

It's not really about what we aren't doing. There are many many other ways to have fun in December. We just aren't going to spend our time on them. Yes, one of those alternatives is Santa Claus, reindeer and elves. Just as we don't include ghosts and witches in our Halloween, Santa's world will not be present in our festivities. Some may disagree and not see these on the same level, we do. But it's not enough to chose one way simply because another doesn't settle well. What Santa Claus symbolizes that of generosity, good will and love is best displayed in the act of Jesus' birth. The annual traditions, tv shows, movies, pictures, games, events, activities, crafts and books we read will all be about getting to know more about and celebrating the indescribably incomparable gift of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I pray to walk my children through the symbols  of Christmas they see in every store and other people's front lawns as we walk outside our very door and how they can all point back to Christ. We plan to throw Jesus a birthday party. We'll bake a cake, have a banner, sing and open gifts. What child doesn't like a birthday party?? We are spending the month of December preparing our hearts for this celebration on December 25th. I'm loving that Christmas is on a Sunday this year so we will be attending our church that morning as well.

There's a second reason I post this, because God has worked on my heart through the words of others. God encouraged, inspired and convicted me to pray and rethink how much we were buying in to the world's definitions of celebrating. As Ecclesiastes says there is nothing new under the sun. If finding our place in Christmas has been on my heart this year, surely I can't be the only one. My husband and I came to this conclusion after several events including reading together, praying and discussing the above mentioned posts. Fun can be had through Jesus. Traditions and family unity are His design. I want the boys to be excited, I want them to marvel in the excitement of living a life full of the hope, joy and love of God. His light outshines anything and everything together that the world has to offer.

Topic: IF we did Santa, how would we handle eventually telling them the truth?
Where we landed: We discussed this with a mom who is going through that this year. She said if she had it to do all over again, she wouldn't have done Santa. No matter how much fun it was at the time. She was the one who talked her husband in to it and regrets it. My husband and I both had negative experiences with feeling let down and lied to about Santa.

Topic: We could use Santa as a stepping stone to believe in something the boys can't see.
Where we landed: If we tell them Santa is real and in several years they find out he is not, what does that do to our credibility as far as Jesus. Whom they can't see and we tell them is real.

Topic: What about the fun in Christmas?
Where we landed: We've been doing lots of searching for ways to make Jesus' birth real to our young children. Mainly for Munchkin this year at 25 months, Doodbug is turning 6 months this week. I found everything from puzzles, window clings, crafts, coloring pages, stories, DVD's, activity pages, toys, LOADS of books and Advent activities for the next several years. I chose to trust God to continue to lead me to resources that will glorify Him much like I do with homeschooling this year for preschool. I hope to share more specifics in future posts.

Topic: What about Christmas traditions from our own childhoods?
Where we are:  The love we share with our family is the best tradition we could ever hope to pass on to our children.

This year we have a sense of peace. Filtering our activities helps the season be focused, purposeful and intentional. As a result our family is more calm, loving and less stressful. The bottom line for us is, it's about God receiving the glory. In the end, it's about growing in our lives closer in trusting Him. I'm so grateful for God's strength in my life. I'm in desperate need of His daily forgiveness. I need His rules and discipline. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit am I able to resist temptation and be repentant.  Every day I'm deeply grateful for the salvation provided by a baby born in a manger.

Viva La Difference

The holidays are upon us. We will be spending time with family, participating in our individual unique ways to celebrate a day set aside to give thanks to God for everything we have, see and are. Whether God is part of  your celebration and how much, which side of family or friends who are like family; we all come together with those we have a sense of belonging acceptance and connection.  The Holidays can also be a stressful time of old hurts, disappointments, varying expectations, as well as illnesses from cold and flu season. Holidays can be stressful to replicate some version of a Normal Rockwell-ish setting. A dreamy picture of food, decoration, and relationship trifecta of perfection. Tinkling music in the background, playing touch football after having eaten the perfectly cooked Turkey and watching the Parade. That's some pretty stiff standards to live up to.  The stress of trying to go from dream to reality can leave some in abject disappointment and failure.

In my extended family of origin, there is the traditional food, football and family. There is an acknowledgement of God in a prayer before eating. Hopefully getting to start trimming the tree while laughing and catching up with one another in person about our lives rather than through the otherwise convenient means of texting, skype, facebook, email and telephone. There is also some holes where people we dearly love are gone. In as much as we want to spend time all together, there is the reminder, the 'all together' was for many years different. We have added spouses and children, and lost along the way a sister, a brother, a niece and all but one grandparent.

My family is a direct reflection of the melting pot of America with our varying beliefs, hobbies, ways of living, occupations and political views. There are pros and cons to this set up as with any family dynamic. I've been judged before for the difference. Sometimes our differences place their own natural gaps in the relationships due to trying to find a common activity we all enjoy to spend time doing. There are definite advantages. I will never get set in my ways or become so isolated in the Christian community that I forget that the rest of the world is different. I see vividly God working in our hearts to bring people closer to Him. I have learned to get out of the way and let God work. I know my family's love and acceptance of me does not hinge on me agreeing with them. We know we don't, we accept that about one another. No one is better than the other. We are all doing the best we can at what ever stage of life and family we are currently in. We have long since learned to steer clear of persuading or criticizing different choices made.  Some topics are more controversial than others. They might be brought up from time to time, but we have also learned to see the red flags in each other's response and move on.

In some instances, with those I have common values and faith, there is more defensiveness and criticism. As though somewhere God laid out unwritten rules that Christianity must look one certain way. The 'narrow way' verse is taken out of context and legalistically applied as a bar for all who believe and strive to follow God. God says we are 'beautifully and wonderfully made'. Just like the snowflakes during winter, the grains of sand in summertime, the changes of the leaves in fall,  and the fresh vivid fragrant flowers in the spring time, no two are exactly alike. The  array of shapes, sizes and colors, both the living, the dead, the successful and the failures can and will be used by God for His master planning. What a bland dull world we would be inhabiting if there was only one way to bring glory to God.  God, himself is a creative being with everything He master planned in to existence on this planet and beyond. There is beauty and holiness in all forms of His creation from the earth's natural resources to the ability He gave him to take natural resources and blend them together to for inventive purposes to the spiritual, academic, personality, physical, artistic gifts can all be used to bring people to know His ways and heart better.

Somewhere along our prosperous past in this country, we have equated success of a plan with pride. We have inversely linked together failure with sin in the Christian community. If some goal wasn't achieved brilliantly than we did something wrong. Hard work equals success right? Success means God approved right? Neither is universally true across the board. God's strength and promises burst forth through those moments where we did everything we could and yet things did not turn out how we planned. The health and wealth gospel  as I've heard it called, leads to some dangerously small picture thinking in the midst of life's storms.  I admit to falling prey to it during our journey to have a baby. "God isn't giving me a baby because of my past sins. Because of those sins, I would be a terrible mother." How many lies did you spot from the enemy? God has immense patience, love and grace where ever we are in our faith journey - even if we don't think we are on one. If God, the only perfect being, "did not send his Son in to the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17, how can I?


Then who are we in our sin filled lives ( that means everyone) to do any less?? We are Christ to each other, 'for what so ever we do (and not do) to the least of these, we are doing to Christ'. Matthew 25:40, 45. We should stop and pray very carefully consulting the Holy Spirit before we interfere with His work in someone's life and heart.  We too quickly place a distance between us and differences of age, education, experience, or financial just to name a few. We build ourselves up by listing 'our' successful accomplishments and only remembering the ways we've done God's will. Comparing our good to someone else's bad isn't a level playing field to start with and that isn't what defines our worth anyway. No matter who comes out the winner, we all fall short of the glory of God. We may tell ourselves in our feelings of injustice or pain that this person is somehow inferior to ourselves. Maybe we attack them on the grounds of  'not being emotionally health enough', ' not Godly enough', too toxic, damaged, sinful, immature or selfish. We go after their flawed home, imperfect friendships, social mistakes or the breaking of our own standards.  Wow to the level of arrogant pride involved in  the process of finding others lacking. Propping our own egos upon the pillars of a short memory and the habit of defining ourselves relative to those around us.  We then have to forget our own short comings and the denial of the brokenness no matter how far down the road we think we have come from our own pasts. Yes, you'd be right about the negative aspects of any person, but since we all sin ( not sinned, sin, present tense) and fall short of the glory of God, they would be right in saying any of those back at you as well. I'm so glad God has accepted me with unconditional love and true grace every step of the life. After all, in the end every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. We are all on a level playing field. We are called to be like Christ. All scripture is applicable, not just a handful of verses or the side of the trinity we identify with the most that requires the least amount of growth on our part.

If my goal is peace and agreement, I can certainly achieve that by the cutting off of any one or thing that disturbs me, looks weak or  is damaged. I can refuse to be refined by God, that is my choice. He is a gentleman and will allow me to stay as immature as I presently am. I look back and see what God has done in my life in ten years and I get excited about what He'll do in the next ten. Also, when I look back I see areas where fear, a stubborn heart or resistance prevented God from fully having access to dark places in my character. If my goal is building a strong family only to be surrounded by other strong families, than I've missed the great commission. If my goal is to be comfortable in my inner circle of friends then I'll miss out on the opportunities to fully rely on God when I'm frustrated, hurt or fearful. I'll end up spending more time venting to my friends than praying to my God. Lastly, if my goal is to sit on the sidelines and know about God but never spend time talking with Him and prayer and seeking His will in His word, I'll go through life never knowing the place of true joy, faith and hope that is in following Jesus Christ.

No one has the corner market on perfection. It's so easy to go to extremes of crimes to justify the reasoning, but it's faulty at the heart. The heart of it is, we all sinful, period. If you're hoping to perform well enough to not have to use up God's grace, it ain't going to happen. It's not a resource of diminishing return anyway. Is our goal really to hear good and faithful servant? Really? I thought my job was to bring honor and glory to God. To strive for a place of honor and righteousness before God is prideful. It's like the disciples clamoring over who gets to sit next to Christ for eternity. It's just not the goal. Anything good came from God anyway so we can't lay a claim of personal glory to having pulled that out of our own will anyway. Anything that God thinks and says about me is a byproduct of and direct reflection back to Him. Any goodness is simply not about me. I pray to be a teachable vessel for God. I pray to be a willing instrument in His grand decision. I pray most of all to take seriously His calling in the purpose of my existence. I pray to look forward to His preparations of my character in every area to spend eternity with Him. Pride slips in such subtle ways and the enemy gets a foothold. I pray for the awareness of the enemy's presence in my actions, attitudes, thoughts and plans. I pray to call on the mighty name of our Savior to defend my spirit in getting caught up with the enemies lies.

When I feel a critical spirit coming on, I try to first remind myself that #1 I'm not loving and seeing them as God's child worthy of His son being crucified for them and #2 that I don't know the whole story or their heart because to judge a soul and heart finding it lacking which is the very essence of  God's work in each of us is to judge God.  I know my place before God and that's not it.

Amazing Grace

What I've learned lately has much to do with authenticity. The more real I am with people, the more safe and honest that relationship is and the less I run in to a gap analysis of a friendship. I once thought spending time in and of itself meant I was good friends with someone. After getting hurt by that enough times, I had to adjust my definition despite my love language of quality time. Oh to not only survive but thrive in the safe warm environment of true authenticity. Is it always proper? No. Is it easy? Rarely. Is it beautiful and aching and amazing and painful all at the same time? Absolutely. I can cruse along in happy social outer circle acquaintance level chatter for very small amounts of time. It is truly a draining experience for me.

 I know God is reflected in all of His children in various ways. In making generalizations there are always exceptions to the rule. As this is my outlet, what I share comes from my personal life experiences filtered through my personality, flaws, strengths, beliefs, values and age.  In a college Sociology course, we were asked to define 'common sense'. My interpretation of that phrase was many years ago and still is, it doesn't really exist. Especially here in America, a.k.a. the melting pot. We all have a different definition of what we believe that entails, dependent on the individual. What makes one person laugh, makes another one irritated. What hurts one person doesn't phase another. What one person thinks is inspiration, another sees as pushy or guilt driven. 

Bottom line- I think making close, quality, safe, deep friendships is like getting pregnant. (I use the getting pregnant analogy because after spending almost 3 years trying to conceive learning the nitty gritty of the incredibly small window with all the other conditions vital for conception and growth, it's amazing life continues.) Only through God's grace is either one possible.

Inversely, the more an environment is based on appearances, images, comparing, pride, gossip and judgment the more I withdrawal. The walls could be high from past hurt, disappointment, betrayal or even just a general laid back thick skin attitude. The result is the same, I become less of who I know is the real me. My people pleasing side raises it's ugly head and I feel from the depths of my soul the beginning of trying to conform and I can't stand it.  I know I have to put in my time on that surface level. Truth be told you can learn much about a person in the small talk. When people are 'on', their strengths are at full power often stress fully so.

 I'm female and very relational based, so the topic fascinates me.  Maybe it stems from my analytic cautious side getting to know people. Maybe I'm just so stressed with party planning, in coming relatives, caring for two children during a time change, well child visits with shots, growth spurts, teeth cutting, temper tantrums, days of no naps while having time for my husband, cooking dinner, doing laundry, teaching my children, etc etc.. that I just don't have it in me to play by the 'perfect' world set of rules that doesn't exist. Yes, I don't want to spend my life dwelling on the negative, but let's be real. We ALL struggle. Hide it as deep down as you can, deny it bothers you, minimize it's effects as best as you can but there are certain universal truths regardless of gender, age, nationality, religion or politics. Life can be hard. My greatest blessings from God in marriage, motherhood, extended family, a warm place to live and friendships can all have their bumpy times. Going through that rough times in fact enhances their value, importance, my level of appreciation  and my willingness to sacrifice, serve and find joy in these amazing blessings. What's worth being entrusted with is worth praying about, fighting for, prioritizing around while growing, learning and enjoying.

I pray my boys have deep friendships that challenge and grow them. Yes, I want to have fun experiences  and great adventures. I also really  hope they do something with those. I hope they lead an intentional life.  I'm not knocking fun, or that everything has to be serious. I'm also a person that as I grow older doesn't do much with out personal reflection. What others may see as self doubt, anxiety, insecurity or seriousness is who I am. For good or bad, it's how God made me. I don't question or see who I am as a negative. I truly try to see the best in the people around me. I believe we are all God's children who have value, purpose and beautiful souls that need validation, protection, acceptance and love. We are not bodies with a soul. We are souls who are borrowing bodies for a short time. Our soul will live with Christ after this body dies. The scripture that comes to mind is 2 Corinthians 4:18 "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Via a spiritual gifts test I took many years ago, my Spiritual Gift is mercy. My heart goes out to the hurting. I saw a teenage girl crying in a parked car with what appeared to be her mother on Saturday and I still can't get the image out of my mind. I have prayed for what ever the situation was every day since then. As I was getting my youngest son out of the car, I wanted to approach this complete stranger, give her a hug and cry with her. What the circumstances and details are is irrelevant. It is hurt whether we can relate to it or not. That's real and important. Laughing at it, attacking it, denying it, minimizing it or ignoring, won't heal it. Hurting hearts won't be denied. They will find a way to the surface eventually. Hopefully it's through healthy means such as conversation with God, then a safe inner circle of people in our lives. It reuires hard work and that's what many flee from. They doubt themselves and our Lord's ability to face it head on. We fear we may be overwhelmed or loose the all mighty control we think we have. Our image and our faith may be attacked if we admit for one second that a circumstance got us. We find comfort in any other way to avoid doing the dirty work. The alternative is finding comfort in anything else. What ever we are turning to instead just got the importance of our God. We are believing in it's power more than God's. That, my friends is our idol. 

Real pain in any form, loss, disappointment, grief, betrayal, abandonment, abuse, neglect needs a safe haven. I'm often asked what brings these subjects up. Most of what has been on my heart is actually a compilation of half a dozen scenarios that have occurred over the last months. As I've watched a few women deeply struggle through tears, including myself with certain areas of pain, I realize that's real community. On the way back home during a road trip with nine friends 7 1/2  years ago a horrible car accident happened. What bonded us had nothing to do with boating, cliff diving, water skiing, meals eaten together or laughs. We had each other bonded together in our faith in the small west Texas town in a tiny hospital until families could be contacted. We prayed and cried, we feared and showed our faith.  That requires an authentic, safe, mature, strong person. Any woman can put on a smile with their best manners, hair, clothing and make up and only show what's successful. Anyone can live in the shallow end of superficiality of clothes, money, control and rules. It takes strength to let our guards down. It requires a secure self to admit, "I don't have it all together". It forces me to remind myself of my value in Christ to say I'm specifically not perfect in that my analyzing nature can go too far. As a friend said just this morning, she doesn't generally care what people think about her. Part of me is jealous of that trait. But she also fully admits, it can go too far with other's feelings. Ahhh safety.... that's what my soul feels. Someone who can be real, who knows themselves, who can relate, reach out, be vulnerable and risk. Someone not hiding in the label of suburbia's umbrella of comfort. Taking our strength too far and it becoming a weakness doesn't invalidate the feelings or the insight that may come from it. It reminds me that what God thinks is more important than what anyone reading this, including what my own sons some day think about me. Know as much as my thinking side can result in well thought out and intentional living, it can also cause the self doubt some see. Have I seen a glimpse of someone's personality and slapped a label on them? Of course I have.... Was I right? Never in whole. No one is only one facet of their personality. God made us too wonderfully for something as simple as "insecure".

So how do some relationships achieve that precious inner circle status of most trusted, valued and close friendships? I don't know. Too complex for me right now. I just knew if I don't get out some of what has been spinning through my head I stop moving forward. A purge of thought must occur or the analysis of paralysis ensues. My husband is calling so I don't have time to proof read tonight. (I did this morning :-)) I say goodnight. Risk and turn to God. He will never minimize or reject your hurt. He will always come through with love, acceptance, strength and grace for where ever we are. He does not judge our hurts, He just heals what others have damaged. That is amazing grace....

What Mom Learned

I usually start planning specific crafts for the following week's themes as the prior one is winding down. I have a master yearly overview I've shared previously. It's changed a couple times, but that guideline is by and large what we go by. Munchkin turns 2 this coming week. His birthday is so close to Halloween, it's got me thinking how he may want to celebrate it in the years to come. That line of thinking had me really analyzing Halloween. Many of the blogs I follow and pages I like on Facebook have ideas, articles, downloadable worksheets, book suggestions for Fall, Pumpkins and Halloween. The inevitable debate among Christians begins with if you even acknowledge it. Second if you do, where on the spectrum you do so. As with many ideas I've grown up with, the more I know and love Jesus, the more the traditions I grew up with are filtered through the love of Jesus.

For this year, I've chosen to do a pumpkin unit. We did buy Star Wars costumes for the boys. We have plans in the future to guide and encourage the choosing of  positive role models, historical figures and Biblical heroes.  I took the boys up to my husband's new job in costume to say hello to their uncle as well as meet his boss and coworkers.  I encouraged Munckin to say hello, meet their eyes and say thank you. It was a wonderful opportunity to reinforce social skills and manners.  I talked about how Yoda and Anakin both used their gifts to protect others and keep them safe. We also plan on participating in our church's trunk or treat. I know about the pagan history of the holiday. I am not comfortable with celebrating fear or focusing on darkness. God is bigger than any fear and His perfect love casts out all fear. Christ is salt and light, He is the light of the world. My husband and I have committed to keeping Christ, our family, community and sharing Jesus in any celebrations we choose for our family. We aren't going to throw the baby out with the bath water. Any given day, act or event can be used for evil. We chose to glorify Christ's love and sacrifice in His leading for our family in all circumstances. The heart is  Christ's highest concern. God will honor our intentions and have grace for each of His children where we are in our understanding and obedience of His will in our lives. 

I was given this book about teamwork and sharing:

I bought these two:

      

I would like to add these for next year. It may not be obvious from the cover, but the Gail Gibbons, "Halloween is...." a non fiction children's book regarding the historical background of the Holiday.

 

God is still working on my heart.....

What Mom Learned

Much of what I'm learning right now has much more to do with spiritual training aspects for our children than actual lesson planning or projects. Although the logistics of schooling do continue to be researched and developed, it's the purpose and where they are leading that has weighed on my heart of late.  I'm a big picture thinker so I often go down the road, so to speak, quite often. I do pray to be mentally present and emotionally available in these days to enjoy these moments of toddler and baby hood. My dear husband is a wonderful detailed planner, a here and now personality. The balance of our two perspectives is a wonderful asset in our goals of being intentional purposeful parents.

The thoughts, conversation and prayers of late surround the concepts of guiding our children to recognize the calling God has for their lives.  How we help them listen for that and have the courage to act are just a few of the nuances. I believe one of the steps for them is to build a trust and love for God. Knowing God through the bible, prayer, relationships, life experiences and application lays a foundation for a faith lived out. A faith not in words, but in their hearts and actions. We get to know God's very nature by knowing His names which reflects different facets of His character. Learning His promises for us as His children instills trust for all of life; it's excitement, joys, temptations, frustrations, pain, disappointments, fears and injustices.

 In our American culture, the conversation of occupation usually involves aspects of personal passion and financial compensation. The goal being the accumulation of material possessions, respect and personal growth and self worth.  In my faith journey, God is telling my heart there is much more to our jobs than that. The American dream is not God's plan.  This topic is of great concern on my heart right now for only reasons God knows. It's not an immediate issue we are facing yet I believe even at this early age, we are laying the seeds to guide our children's view point. The choosing of a mate in our country becomes more diluted, less about a life long promise, hard work and choice. It becomes more about convenience, serving self, and in the moment emotions. Bearing children is seen as cumbersome, rather than a honor and privilege.  Growing up and older is seen as a negative, rather than a rich accumulation of wisdom, experience and loving memories. We can give credit to God for circumstances, blessings and achievements or fill ourselves with the sin of self important selfish pride. We can rely on God for the answers or allow our fears, worries and anxieties rule our lives.

Through articles I read, conversation I participate in and blogs I follow, God has been working to challenge the ways I have always thought. In light of our challenge through our church, God is putting it on my heart to share our God story. I do so with a certain trepidation as instances in the past where I have done so have opened me up to judgement and criticism. I continually strive to see many aspects of my journey to this point through God's eyes. I do pray against either pride or shame. As hard as it is for me to be truly vulnerable- as much as I share here- it's not about people's reactions or approval of me. It's about God's glory. I may not say it the right way but I continually feel the last couple of week this is the right time again. That feeling of prodding , with raising anxiety that won't be shushed. I don't want to quiet that still voice. I don't want to bow to the idol of comfort. I strive not to hurt anyone for these words to build up and hopefully encourage someone out there closer to our Heavenly Father. God has done amazing work on my heart and I look forward to the continuing molding of my heart and character to be more like Him and less of me. Less selfish, less prideful, less careless, less needy and overwhelming. God works through each and every child He has created on this earth. Yet, I know my desire to obey God's calling on my heart must be stronger than the desire for approval from others.

 My journey of faith so far....I grew up in a Catholic household and attended mass during the occasional Christmas and Easter. My parents believe in God as all four of us children received a Catholic baptism as infants. We spoke very traditional Catholic prayers. My perspective of God and being a Christian were formed in those few early experiences. In high school I was invited and attended regularly a Lutheran Church. I became active in their youth group and choir getting confirmed during my time there. I became good friend with a girl who opened her home up to me. She and her family (who btw I was very overjoyed to recently come back in contact with via facebook and share with them how much they made an impact on me as a teenager). After graduation, I wondered. There are 8 dark years in there. I never consciously turned away, but in hindsight I put other things and people before my relationship with God. (There is a much larger detailed story in the way God brought me back to a relationship with Him that really requires a personal relationship between me and the reader to share) Reaching a point where I could hear God's voice again I started searching. I visited several denominations until interacting with 3 people in different circles of my life that all attended the same church. Since even then I did not believe in coincidences, I visited a Church of Christ. There I became closer to God and after much searching of answers was baptized as an adult.

In certain aspects I feel behind spiritually with others my age who grew up always having a close relationship with and understanding of God's love and will. Then I remember comparing myself to other people in any sense is a worldly lose-lose situation. Because of the family God chose for me, I will never have to speak hypothetically about diverse faiths and beliefs. They all exist within my family. I am honored to have the family I do. I am not ashamed of the differences as God makes no mistakes in who He chooses to be our earthly parents. Sin exists in every person, relation and family. The degrees of the mistakes we all make are not relevant to God. I have to say I am so thankful to God for bringing Billy in to my life. He was willing to take on faith who I was when my past didn't look good on paper. God showes me His immeasurable grace through our relationship. God has proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt just as did with Ninevah, He is a God of second chances.

2 Peter 3:9The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

What Mom Learned

Highlights from this week:

What didn't work:
1. Trying to push a learning activity instead of addressing  a behavior issue
2.  Feeling discouraged by the real life ' interruption' learning opportunity 

What did work:
3 Watching munchkin (here after how I'll refer to my first born) play in the backyard with his smock on
4. Leaning in and trusting God to get through this week. - always true
5. Having the break last week from LOTW so fresh ideas could come for this week. I really don't want to do the same thing 26 times unless it's munchkin's favorite.

What makes all the hard work worth while:
6.  Being able to hug and look in to my children's eyes connecting with them through out the day.
7.  Reading the bible with my boys every morning, praying and listening to praise music during the day. --This one is a permanent advantage and a constant reminder of why God has placed me in this unfamiliar schooling journey.

Best Projects:
8. for Munchkin:  Water play in the backyard
For Mommy: Getting the sensory bins geared more towards Munckin's current interests. 

Worst Projects:
9.  for Munckin: We are still working on transitioning between activities better. 
For Mommy: planning a birthday party, working on a quilt, dealing with a fussy baby after 4 month check up, teaching, laundry, errands, cooking, bible study homework, cleaning up, finally shipped off the give away, etc. I stayed in the feeling of  catch up. Naps did not sync up this week, I was tag teamed.

Rewards this week from homeschooling:
10.  Listening to Munckin name the book I was reading to him, "Peas and Thank you" - most words he's put together :-D
11. Munchkin eager for 'fun' aka learning.
12. Munckin asking me to read more bible stories (4th week in a row, a trend I really enjoy)

Challenge of the week:
13.  A sense of fatigue and discouragement this week

Tip for the week:
14. Finding fresh inspiration for toddler ideas off Pinterest gives me a feeling of more tools in  my treasure chest of teaching.

What Mom Learned

Highlights from this week:

What didn't work:
1. Pressuring myself to do everything perfectly when I'm going through an emotional time.
2.  Feeling guilty that everything wasn't ideal.

What did work:
3. Having fun one on one time with my wonderful son.
4. Leaning in and trusting God to get through this week.
5. Reaching out to others for prayers and encouragement
6. Not making every obligation, it would have only increased the feelings of being overwhelmed this week.

What makes all the hard work worth while:
7.  Being able to hug and look in to my children's eyes connecting with them through out the day.
8.  Reading the bible with my boys every morning, praying and listening to praise music during the day. --This one is a permanent advantage and a constant reminder of why God has placed me in this unfamiliar schooling journey.

Best Projects:
9. for M:  Crayons matching with scribbles.
For Mommy: Homemade ten commandment crafts.  When he's older he can make his own, right now, it lets my inner crafter out.

Worst Projects:
10.  for M:  Print outs
For Mommy:  Finding a place of peace with a different flow. My heart and our week were effected by the loss of a friend. Her funeral was Wednesday.

Rewards this week from homeschooling:
11.  Remembering how short life is in general and how grateful I am to get to see these two little guys faced during my day.
12. M named colors
13. M started pointing to objects and 'counting'. He would point and say random numbers. 
14. M asking me to read more bible stories (3rd week in a row)

Challenge of the week:
15. Pushing through to have a normal schedule when my heart was hurting.

Tip for the week:
16.  Let God have control of our week. The most important lessons in life aren't the academic ones.

What Mom Learned

Highlights from this week:

What didn't work:
1. Physically keeping a checklist with me during teaching time
2.  Printables are keeping his attention less. We may start using those more sparingly.


What did work:
4. Finding labels to write our areas of work on the pocket charts
5. Labeling the separate tubs to put my materials for each subject
6. Making a day for each major area of learning approach. It's really helping me see what kind of learner he is.
7. Having a play date and making playgroup. Helps us all :-)

What makes all the hard work worth while:
8.  Matthew's vocabulary improving and getting to know more of my child's heart
9.  Reading the bible with my boys every morning, praying and listening to praise music during the day. --This one is a permanent advantage and a constant reminder of why God has placed me in this unfamiliar schooling journey.

Best Projects:
10. for M:  New shape and color sorter I picked up on a whim from our church's consignment sale for dirt cheap.  He cried because it was nap time after 15 minutes of playing with it.
For Mommy: He counted along with me. :-)))))) 

Worst Projects:
10.  for M: Those with similar texture. 
For Mommy:  Something about this morning. Maybe it was the 3rd night of interrupted short amounts of sleep or a week of daddy working late catching up with me. I'm really needing to pray to push through.

Rewards this week from homeschooling:
11.  He got the pattern activity when we did it with building toys in a longer string. He placed the right color next :-D
12. He's getting the concept of putting the letters on top of the bottle caps activity.
13. Feeling after 4 weeks of this that I can expand crafts and get more creative with sensory bin textures.
14. M asking me to read more bible stories (again this week, it's so great!)

Challenge of the week:
15. Daddy working longer hours at this new job.

Tip for the week:
16.  Organization for our day and with our materials gives me more time to focus on  ideas for future projects.

What Mom Learned

What Mom Learned

Highlights from this week:

What didn't work:
1. Two sick little boys under the age of 2
2.  Sleep deprived mommy

What did work:
4. Finding a rhythm 
5. Using separate tubs to put my materials for each subject
6. Craft Wednesday

What makes all the hard work worth while:
7.  This afternoon, M started saying 'white' as I pointed out a group of colors
8.  Reading the bible with my boys every morning, praying and listening to praise music during the day. --It's completely worth repeating from last week

Best Projects:
9. for M:  craft laces- He played with that for 15 minutes. 
For Mommy: Hearing giggles, watching him dig in to the craft box.

Worst Projects:
10.  for M: The pattern activity. 
For Mommy:  Just remember to put wet wipes in the craft box so I don't have to go hunt them down while painting.

Rewards this week from homeschooling:
11.  The sorting and concentration games seem to be making a bit of sense to M.
12. Realizing our 100 Ways to Know God Loves Me book and CD does outline God's promises to us which is something I wanted to add to our list.
13. Being able to read so many great books every day. 
14. M asking me to read more bible stories

Challenges of the week:
14.  Introducing the concepts of color to a left brainer will need more time. Next week on the schedule is the letter C and the shape is circle. M already identifies both the upper and lower case as well as that shape very well. So, while we may still do some fun things for those concepts, we will continue to work on the color black. Any tips out there? I've googled and gone through my material on hand. I have been asking mommies with older kiddos, a preschool teacher and an art major friend for some fresh fun ideas. We had fun this week despite both little ones being sick. In hind sight, introducing two colors in one week wasn't the best idea for us. 

Tip for the week:
15.  Small spurts of  focused attention balanced with giggling fun is the kind of learning environment I have been praying to provide. Thank you Lord, for this amazing opportunity to educate my child.

What Mom Learned

Highlights from this week:

What didn't work:
1. Not 'bothering' the hubby with my hsing challenges
2. Getting too academic focusing on a checklist
3. Not beginning the week fully prepared and organized

What did work:
4. Revising my lesson plan form a 3rd time
5. Getting more boxes for organization
6. Taking Wednesday morning to craft with no specific goal in mind then to have fun

What makes all the hard work worth while:
7. M exclaiming "a" to the lower case one this morning :-) He only could recognize the capital letter before that
8. Reading the bible with my boys every morning, praying and listening to praise music during the day

Best Projects:
9. for M:  sidewalk chalk & race car track numbers
For Mommy: finger painting with my son will be an experience I treasure in my heart for the rest of my life

Worst Projects:
10.  for M: too many flashcards
For Mommy: Trying to fit every alphabet activity I have ever read, seen or heard about in to one week

Rewards this week from homeschooling:
11.  M trying to repeat the word 'Proverbs' from our memory verse of the week
12. Finding the story of Abraham and Sarah in 6 different children's bible's we already had in the house.
13. Had time for a play date at our house
14. Knowing my husband is my partner in this journey to educate our children from home.

Challenges of the week:
14. Moments of feeling isolated in not being able to bounce ideas in person with another teacher. The blog world is great, I think it will help once we join a co-op.

Tip for the week:
15.  I freed up two bins to store the materials for each of the two themes for the week. All I have to do now is stock them at the beginning of the week. Pull one down and go :-)

What Mom Learned

This was our first week of homeschooling. I planned activities set to themes. I spent much time with my printer, laminator and card stock getting to know each other better. For 6 serious months and a couple casual years before that,  I have been praying, reading articles, visiting blog sites, comparison shopping, planning, pinteresting etc. I admit to some big butterflies and being up until 1 am Monday night anticipating our fresh start.  Here's where all the theory, plans, ideas and finding what worked for others would be tested. Quite a bit of bit of pressure to potentially place on a tiny 22 month old's shoulders if I wasn't careful. The reality of the entire process and approach of homeschooling are all new to me. Teaching while being fun, doing laundry, feeding baby D, spending time with D and MDH, naps and meals to prepare, running errands, keeping the house picked up, etc.. M is not the only one being exposed to a whole bunch of new concepts this week. Here is what I've learned this week:

What didn't work:
1. Comparing myself to other homeschoolers.
2. Getting excited about a project that just popped in to my head while teaching something else, and attempting to prepare it while M is awake.
3. Pushing an activity because of how much time I put in to a project or because it looked so great on someone's website. If M doesn't respond or isn't ready for that project, let it go and move on.

What did work:
4. I am a visual teacher, checklists are my friends :-)
5. Break down the concept until it reaches him.
6. Keep researching. If one approach doesn't work, another one will.

What makes all the hard work worth while:
7. Encourage M to say super fun as often as possible, as in 'M, I have something super fun planned for you today.' It's worth it to hear him say back, "suwer vun" :-D
8. I know when a project has hit a home run when he cries because it's over or he keeps doing it for double digit amount of minutes not encouraged by me.

Best Projects:
9. for M: Window markers, crayons, plastic toy animals.
For Mommy: Working an hour in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon

Worst Projects:
10.  for M: Sorting and patterns- not ready
For mommy: Trying to laminate and cut the pattern activity- think little 1 inch squared pieces-  with M curious about what I was doing.

Rewards this week from homeschooling:
11.  The process of having planned fun challenging projects gives structure to our day.
12. Less toddler melt downs
13. Day goes by quicker
14. The awareness that skills obtained from all of my various professional work outside of the home leading up to now has helped prepare me for this task.(organization, excel spreadsheets, research)

Challenges of the week:
14. Making sure I'm staying connected to my Heavenly Father. He alone can give me the stamina, patience and insight needed to meet this challenge to educate my children.

Tip for the week:
15.  I hole punched my flash cards in the top left hand corner and attached them with a book ring. No more losing them or having them scattered around the house.